Explore
Gaia Soulmates
 Advertising keeps Gaia free! Interested in sponsoring us?

Imperfect?

Posted on Feb 3rd, 2008 by Charles : An Imperfect Seeker Charles
Imperfect and perfect are just very subjective words and can be laden with ego.  He is a perfect ass or it happened in God's perfection or there are imperfections in that diamond.  It is a semantic nightmare to speak about.
In speaking about myself, I traveled my imperfect path in my own perfect timing.  The illusion (or maya, devil)  in this place is so tricky that it took me several years to see that the path I am traveling is right for me and taking me home.  I was imperfect in that I did not even know what to look for.  I think a big part of my problem was that I started so late on the real thing.  My former wife and best friend, Gina, took right off on the path and it was only because of my trust in her and watching her move that I hung in there until I could find it for myself.
Gina Chelsea
I was 39 when I finally did the Miracle of Love Intensive, two years after very close friends invited me and told me of the incredible movement being had.   By that time, even though I had done some work on myself, I was so angry, jaded and thought that life was just to be enjoyed as much as possible and I talked myself in to believing that I was enjoying life.  Even though my marriage was failing, I was an angry man in my daughter, Chelsea's eyes and in most of my friend's eyes as well. 
Thus imperfect. 
I had no depth to speak of.  Even though I had been somewhat active in the Episcopal Church in my youth and really tried to find my way to God at times through youth groups and such, finding God in this place is a very difficult task and takes great endeavor and a teacher that can help keep you on track.  I was a very passionate child full of wonder and the sensitivity was all that remained in to adulthood and spurred my anger.  Turned out, it took me many more years to get my anger under control than it took to develop it.
I am 52 now and it wasn't until about 3 years ago that I actually realized that I am on my path Home.  I have been active on a path with Miracle of Love for fourteen years and for most of that I thought I knew that I wanted to go Home, but I was laging.  I did not give it my all, my full desire and intensity.  Now I am on fire, what it takes if you want the kind of movement that will break you free.  I understand now that if you want to move with God you have to move faster than the illusion.
Now I am endeavoring to become the perfect seeker of Home.
Charles
Access_public Access: Public 1 Comment Print views (136)  

An Imperfect Seeker - Log One

Posted on Feb 1st, 2008 by Charles : An Imperfect Seeker Charles
Img_0068
I wanted the first post on my site to state two things:
First, What I feel to be my greatest inspiration ~ the woes, pitfalls, mistakes and serious detours (the humaness) of successful spiritual seekers.
You see, I want to know that someone can make gross errors in judgment and feel during their whole path to God that they are failing as Mother Teresa felt. This is what encourages me to keep going because that is how I have come to call myself the imperfect seeker.
Second, My path so far: I was born to an average, middle class family of five with two older brothers and ALL older cousins. Yes, the baby. I think I was a pretty out going and alive for the first few years of my life and I tried to keep my spirit I attended Episcopal church and looked forward to going. The day came that I was old enough to be an acolyte and I felt so special and I was the only one for several years.
The Vicar and I became close and he was somewhat inspiring but by the time I was fifteen I had all but lost it, resorted to peer pressure, drugs and bought the whole scene, pretty much gave up on myself and God.
Then I met Gina my soon to be and now former wife and still very good friend. Gina and I were in a similar place I was doing drugs more but neither of us had much in the way of spirituality.
Then one day in 1981 Gina's Mom, Dawn, took her to a guest seminar for the EST Training (now the Landmark Forum). This was the beginning of reviving my spiritual journey. Gina and I thrived in this environment participating in almost every program offered hoping that it would bring us the fulfillment we desired in our life although we were not certain what that was. Then when the creator of these programs Werner Erhard left the organization, we discontinued participation with Landmark.
Our journey continued in the nineties with participation with More University. Here we participated in courses in human sensuality and sexuality and had a lot of fun. Still not knowing what we really wanted in our life we spent a number of years at More, had a lot of fun and shared many pleasurable moments with our close friends.
Still not knowing what we wanted, and thinking what ever we wanted would never be found, in 1992, several of our friends came across some people in San Diego that were offering the Miracle of Love Seminar. Having done the two previous offerings that, as transformative as they were, not really giving us what we wanted combined with our judgments of how corny it seemed to us, Gina and I declined to do the seminar for a couple of years. Finally, in 1994, our marriage suffering, Gina decided that she needed a change and signed up for the Miracle of Love Seminar. I followed suit and we did the nine-day intensive. Gina and I separated shortly after the Miracle of Love Seminar but remained very best of friends to this day. We have a daughter together, Chelsea and when she was old enough she did the young peron's Miracle of Love Seminar.
I had a most incredible experience in the Miracle of Love Seminar. I believed that I had finally found what I did not know I was searching for. Quite frankly though, the years of my separation from my Lord had taken a toll on me. I had become that which I swore when I was very young I would not. I was angry, jaded, distrustful and angry with God and had lived so casually for so long that it took me a long time to find my own sustainable depth. I considered myself an Imperfect Seeker (thus the title) feeling spiritually inept.
When Gina separated with me I was very angry about it and had a difficult time. I blamed Miracle of Love Seminar and the leaders for this. Even though, I continued to do meditations with them from time to time because it was the only place that I felt at Home.
Though I struggled on my path barely finding my connection to God except in subsequent reviews of the Miracle of Love Seminar I watched Gina thrive and have very incredible movement and she inspired me to keep going and eventually I got through my anger towards her and have a very loving connection with her to this day.

Access_public Access: Public What do you think? Print views (61)